கடி ஜோக்ஸ்

என்னது பேப்பர் ரோஸ்ட் ஓரத்தில வரிசையா ஓட்டை இருக்குது?

இது கம்ப்யூட்டர் பேப்பர் ரோஸ்ட்...
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நகை போடாமல் இருப்பதே மேல்.

ஏன்?

நகை போட்டால் அது பீமேல்.
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என்னங்க நாலு போன் கால் பேசிட்டு ஒருகாலுக்கு காசு தர்றீங்க?

யோவ், நாலு கால் ஒன்னு தானேய்யா...
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ஒரு பையன் தலைக்கடியில் டிக்சனரி வச்சிக்கிட்டு தூங்குறானே, ஏன்?

ஏன்னா, அவனுக்கு அர்த்தமில்லாத கனவா வருதாம்.
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உங்க மகன் சிகரெட் பிடிக்கிறானே, உங்களுக்கு தெரியுமா?

எனக்கு சிகரெட் பிடிக்க தெரியாதுங்க...
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இந்தியாவுல இந்த ஆளு கால் படாத இடமே இல்லை.

அப்படியா..?

ஏன்னா, அவர் கீழே கிடந்த இந்தியா மேப்பை முழுசா மிதிச்சிட்டாரு...
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என்னப்பா, இது நேத்து சாப்பிட்ட காபி மாதிரியே இருக்குது?

இது XEROX காபி அதான்...
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திரும்ப திரும்ப என் வீட்டிலேயே திருடு போகுது சார்...

அப்ப திரும்பாம ஒரே பக்கமா இருந்துடவேண்டியதுதானே...
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Exam

Birth and Death comes once in life..
Love comes once in life..
Marriage comes once in life..

But

Why does this bloody “EXAM” comes again and again……..

Funny HR Tactics

Funny Advertising Slogan

Vista Shoppers Recommendation

Love Vs Marriage

Love is like riding a bicycle

Marriage is like sailing a ship.

If you don't  like to ride the bicycle

you can get down in middle.

But,

ship..?

Hi Boss

People who do lots of work,
makes lots of mistakes.


People who do less work,
makes less mistakes.


People who do no work,
makes no mistakes.


People who make no mistakes,
gets promoted.


Thats why I spend most of my time
sending emails and playing games at work.

Human Resources Lingo

COMPETITIVE SALARY - We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.

JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY  - We have no time to train you.

CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE  - We don't pay enough to expect that you'll dress up.

MUST BE DEADLINE-ORIENTED  - You'll be six months behind schedule on your first day.

SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED  - Some time each night and some time each weekend.

DUTIES WILL VARY - Anyone in the office can boss you around. 

MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL  - We have no quality control.

CAREER-MINDED - Female Applicants must be childless (and remain that way).

APPLY IN PERSON  - If you're old, fat or ugly you'll be told the position has been filled.

NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE  - We've filled the job; our call for resumes is just a legal formality.

SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE - You'll need it to replace three people who just left.

PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST  - You're walking into a company in perpetual chaos.

REQUIRES TEAM LEADERSHIP SKILLS  - You'll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect.

GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS  - Management communicates, you listen, figure out what they want and do it.

Lawyers & Engineer

A group of attorneys had to measure the height of a flag pole for evidence to support a lawsuit. They went out to the flagpole with ladders and a tape measure.

They proceed to fall off the ladders and drop the tape measure, the whole thing was just a mess. An engineer comes along and sees what they're trying to do. He walks over, pulls the flagpole out of the ground, lays it flat, measures it from end to end, gives the measurements to one of the attorneys and walks away.

After the engineer has gone, one attorney turns to another and laughs. 'Isn't that just like an engineer. We're looking for the height, and he gives us the length'

Joke of the Day

History Teacher : From where to where did the mughals rule?

Student : Sir, i am not sure but think from page 15 to 26 sir.

HUMOROUS HRD NOTICE OF A COMPANY TO ALL EMPLOYEES

[A circular was found in one of the office notice boards ]

Dear STAFF ,
Please be advised that these are NEW rules and regulations implemented to raise the efficiency of our firm. __________________________________________________________________________________________

TRANSPORTATION:
It is advised that you come to work driving a car according to your salary.
a) If we see you driving a Honda, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise.
b) If you drive a 10 year old car or taking public transportation, we assume you must have lots of savings therefore you do not need a raise.
c) If you drive a Pickup, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.

ANNUAL LEAVE :
Each employee will receive 52 Annual Leave days a year (Wow! said 1 employee).
- They are called SUNDAYs.

LUNCH BREAK :
a) Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
b) Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
c) Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim Fast and take a diet pill.

SICK DAYS :
We will no longer accept a doctor Medical Cert as proof of sickness.
- If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

TOILET USE :
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilets.
a) There is now a strict 3-minute time limit in the cubicles.
b) At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the door will open and a picture will be taken.
c) After your second offence, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders" category.
d) Subsequent pictures will be sold at public auctions to raise money to pay your salary.

SURGERY :
As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs.
- You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact.
- To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment.

INTERNET USAGE :
All personal Internet usage will be recorded and charges will be deducted from your bonus (if any) and if we decide not to give you any, charges will be deducted from your salary.

Important Note:
Charges applicable as Rs.20 per minute as we have 4MB connection.

Just for information, 73% of staff will not be entitled to any salary for next 3 months as their Internet charges have exceeded their 3 months salary.
__________________________________________________________________________________________

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience.
Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.

Best regards,
HRD

Terrorist ATTACK

A man sees a woman getting chased by a dog in chandni chowk area of New
Delhi.

When the dog is about to bite the woman, the man intervenes and kicks the
dog.

A Times of India reporter was seeing all this.

He said That was great.

I'll definitely publish this in our newspaper.

Tomorrow the headline will be 'LOCAL HERO SAVES LADY FROM A DOG'.

The man replied Thank you, but I'm not from here. I am from US .

Reporter said OK. Then the headline will be US CITIZEN SAVES WOMAN FROM A
DOG .

Man: Actually, I live in US but I'm not a US citizen.

I'm a Pakistani national by origin .

Next day, the headline in the paper read

....

....

....

Pakistani Terrorist ATTACKS A LOCAL DOG.

Blogged with the Flock Browser

நாவல்

பையன் 1: எங்க வாத்தியாரை பற்றி சின்னதா ஒரு நாவல் எழுதியிருக்கேன்.
பையன் 2: அப்படின்னா, அது "குரு" நாவல் - ன்னு சொல்லு.

சுவரொட்டியுடன் சர்தார்

ஒருமுறை சர்தார் தெரு ஓரமாக நடந்து போய் கொண்டிருந்தார். அப்பொழுது அங்குள்ள சுவர் ஒன்றில் "இதை படிப்பவன் முட்டாள்" என்று எழுதியிருந்தது...

அதை படித்தவுடன் சர்தாருக்கு கோபம் வந்துவிட்டது. நேராக அந்த சுவற்றில் எழுதியிருந்ததை அழித்துவிட்டு "இதை எழுதியவன் முட்டாள்" என்று எழுதிவிட்டு போனார்...

டாக்டர் ஜோக்

உதவியாளர்: கண்ணுல மண் விழுந்திருச்சின்னு ட்ரீட்மென்ட் பண்ணிக்கிட்டாரே,
அவர் பீஸ் கொடுக்காம போயிட்டார் டாக்டர்...

டாக்டர்: நம்ம கண்ணுல மண்ணைதூவிட்டு போயிட்டானா...

I.T. Roles in Heaven

Brahma - Systems Installation

Vishnu - Systems Administration & Support

Lakshmi - Finance and Accounts consultant

Saraswati - Training and Knowledge Management

Shiva - DBA (Crash Specialist)

Ganesh - Quality Assuarance & Documentation

Narada - Data transfer

Yama - Reorganization & Downsizing Consultant

Chitragupta - IDP & Personal Records

The Apsaras - Downloadable Viruses

The Devas - Mainframe Programmers

Surya - Solaris Administrator

The Rakshasas - In house Hackers

Ravanan - Internet Explorer WWF

Kumbhakarnan - Zombie Process

Lakshmanan - Support Software and Backup

Hanuman - Linux/s390

Vaali - MS Windows

Sugreeva - DOS

Jatayu - Firewall

Dronacharya - System Programmer

Vishwamitra - Sr. Manager Projects

Shakuni - Annual appraisal & Promotion

Valmiki - Technical Writer (Ramayana Sign off document)

Krishna - SDLC ( Sudarshan Wheel Development Life Cycle )

Dharmaraj Yudhishthira - ISO Consultant (CMM level 5)

Arjuna - Lead Programmer (all companies are vying for him)

Abhimanyu - Trainee Programmer

Draupadi - Motivation & Team building

Bhima - MAINFRAME LEGACY SYSTEM

Duryodhana - Microsoft product Written in VB

Karna - Contract programmer

Dhritarashtra - Visual C++

Gandhari - Dreamweaver

100 Kauravas - Microsoft Service Packs and patches

Just Smile...

• Women are unpredictable. Before marriage, she expects a man, after marriage she suspects him, and after death she respects him.

• There was this guy who told his woman that he loved her so much that he would go thru hell for her. They got married - and now he is going thru hell.

• A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds : "Wife wanted ". Next day, he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing : "You can have mine."

• When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife.

• It's easy to tell if a man is married or not. Just watch him drive a car with a woman sitting beside him. If both his hands are on the wheel, you can be sure he is married.

• A man received a letter from some kidnappers. The letter said, "If you don't promise to send us $100,000 I swear that we will kidnap your wife." The poor man wrote back, " I am afraid I can't keep my promise but I hope you will keep yours."

• What's the matter, you look depressed." "I'm having trouble with my wife." "What happened?" "She said she wasn't going to speak to me for 30 days." "But that ought to make you happy." "It did, but today is the last day."